Overwhelming Fears Of Invasive Medical Procedures

Being a Heterosexual/Asexual male rape victim gang raped; brutally tortured, beaten and sodomized at the hands of sadistic bullies always brings terrifying memories and fears that can sometimes seem unrelenting. I'm not really sure what recollections you men and women here have personally contemplated when it comes to the yearly physical at the doctors office or by chance at a hospital. In particular for me personally I'm paraphrasing ("the dreaded prostate rectal exam"). Not something I think most men would rather think about when your family physician deems it a necessary criteria.
If you happen to be over forty and in my case over fifty it becomes an annual ritualistic medical requirement. Lets be honest; I don't think any of us older guys look forward to this embarrassing exam, coupled with the fact of having your testicles checked out at the same time. If you happen to be a male rape victim suffering with P.T.S.D., such an invasive medical procedure can really trigger the onset of strong painful memories of the past. As for me; I get extremely nervous if any doctor schedules a full physical. My new family doctor is female. Sure she is aware about my traumatic rape past. Not quite sure if she is really that sympathetic though. For most doctors faced with carrying out this invasive procedure; it's all about routine professionalism and the mundane business at hand. No pun intended. I would think the average doctor takes a nonchalant professional attitude when carrying out prostate exams. Hell; do they ever give a second thought about how the patient feels about being on the receiving end of this invasive procedure ? Not a damned chance that I have witnessed. I'm sure some men and woman here can speak about some bad experiences with doctors performing invasive medical exams. I don't know; am I the only rape victim who entertains strong fear of having to go through invasive medical exams. I hate having to talk about this embarrassing topic like no tomorrow.

My health is not the best struggling with health related issues such as cardiac problems and being an insulin dependent diabetic which has caused me to develop kidney problems. Recently; my family physician has referred me to see a urologist who wants to perform some invasive bladder test. I think they call it a cystoscopy. If you only knew how much extreme fear I'm having about this. How the hell do I confront these fears. I'm almost thinking of neglecting these test.
I wish I could fight off my torturous memories of my rape. I detest any man touching my privates, doctors included. What am I to do ?


My overall unnerving health situation "both physical and mental" often places me at odds with doctors and nurses in general with good reason based on bad experiences with distant and indifferent medical professionals. I state this without trying to sound off as being cynical or judgmental against the overall medical profession which for the most part I have a lot of respect for. I began my arduous road to recovery five years ago on January 3rd, 2003. Twenty-three years prior to that I buried and blanked-out most of the painful horrors of my rape past in my subconscious. Looking at hindsight I suspect all those painful horrors and festering memories of my rape past were really at the surface without my resolute sanity permitting my conscious to deal with such extreme pain. It took twenty-three years of life's ups and downs for that emotional ticking time bomb to blow it's fuse causing me to have a major nervous break down five years ago.

My personal critique and prognostication of today's self-professed "can-do-no-wrong" consummate medical profession often places me at odds with the unscrupulous indifferent behaviors of numerous doctors, nurses, and shrinks who are increasingly present in today's overall medical scene, largely due to increasing work load stress, the lack of staff and resources. Don't get me wrong; I'm not black-listing the medical profession. Not many doctors and nurses have the time or patience to listen to one lone male rape victim who has a differentiating host of fears to address.
Meanwhile; a male rape victim is forced to suck-up his own fears and pain because their are a lot of indifferent people who just don't give a rats ass about someone else's struggling painful problems and overwhelming anxious worries.
In the end due to personal health reasons I am forced to deal with the indignity of having invasive medical procedures without any doctor or nurse truly listening to my fears and concerns.


I had a lot of respect for my last family doctor who retired just over two years ago. I had him for thirty years. He was very understanding and compassionate about my past which I revealed to him in painstaking detail in an addressed letter. He was not only the best doctor I ever had, but; a respected friend. It's damned difficult when you build up a trusting relationship with a professional doctor only to sadly see him retire because of being overworked and burnt-out due to a shortage of doctors. He now devotes his efforts in the palliative care unit at the local city hospital. My new family physician; a female who took over my former family doctors practice is difficult to relate to. She is strictly business and emotionally stoic. I don't even have the luxury of finding another physician.
I have no qualms about seeing a female physician if only her disposition would grant more pliancy and candor.
Damn get a life why don't she. They say if you want to understand and embrace the virtue of humility.
Be prepared to be humiliated. I have felt humiliated for almost the last thirty years.

I'm not so sure there is really anything to be learned by dealing with the prospect of having to go through invasive medical procedures whether your a female or male rape victim.

Inescapably there is only two cold realities to such procedures. No#1. You suck-up your shame and embarrassments and reluctantly go through the stressful fears and triggers of having a doctor/nurse probe and insert instruments inside you in places you would rather not.
No#2. You say fuck it and ignore it and refuse to let yourself be traumatized all over again and don't allow yourself to go through such triggering embarrassments and fears anymore. There is another option but that requires the humiliation and triggering shame of relating your past to a hopefully receptive empathetic nurse or doctor who is genuinely understanding and supportive.

The likely hood of a female victim finding support in this area likely outweighs the same empathetic support for a lone male rape victim.

The worst damned part that goes against my favor is that I have to embarrassingly admit that I am Androphobic.

No I didn't say Homophobic....("Androphobic")

Much of that was induced by the horrors of my torturous rape.

Now how the hell does a Heterosexual/Asexual male rape victim convey that to any medical professional without being likely ridiculed or categorized.

Most woman who undergo invasive medical procedures by a male doctor usually have a female nurse in the room with them.

Now how humiliating is it for a man to ask for a female nurse to be in the room when he is undergoing an invasive medical procedures.

Not very damned likely. And how would a female nurse evaluate a male patient if he made such a request.

It's highly probable that the female nurse would surmise that such a male patients request was perverted.

So where the hell does that leave me ?
We live in a stereotyped society preconditioned to biasedly prejudge certain situations that do not seem the expected norm. Especially if it’s a man addressing fears.